My Crazy Messed Up Life
by Friendly Neighborhood Stalker
Summary: "No you may not kill her, New Mexico" "Can I torture her?" "...No" "Why did you hesitate dad! Do you not mind if I'm tortured?"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, so this is my first FanFiction that I actually plan on finishing ^-^; I love my state, and I am really sad there aren't many fics for (female) New Mexico.**  
><strong>So, I hope you enjoy it!<strong>

**Florida belongs to TailsDoll123**  
><strong><span>Illinois<span> belongs to GirlUdontMessWith**  
><strong><span>Nebraska<span> belongs to Astralite on Whyville(dot)net**  
><strong><span>New Mexico and Alaska<span> belong to the awesomeness that is me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, which suck ball because who wouldn't want those smexy countries? And I do not own anything else mentioned in the story, and I mention a bus called The Hero Bus, I didn't create that name, I got it from a fic I read.**

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Hi, my name is Karmen 'New Mexico' Jones; I live with my Dad, America, yes you heard right The United States of America, and my 49 other siblings, the States. Things get pretty chaotic around here...Welcome to My Crazy Messed Up Life.

***Page Break***

"Hey, Illinois...Illinois...Violet!" I was poking Illinois in the cheek. "Illinoissss" I said pronouncing the 's' in Illinois"

"What, Karmen?" Illinois finally snapped.

"I'm bored.…, " I whined.

Illinois gave an annoyed sigh, "Well then go stalk Russia!"

"Already did that."

"Wrestling?"

"How do you think I got this scratch on my cheek?"

"Hot Dog Eating Contest?"

"Finished in first," I sighed then let out a burp that smelled of hotdogs to prove my point.

"OK, gross, how about you sit and read?"

I was about to agree when I saw what she was reading; I smiled mischievously, "You're reading a depressing poem book..."

"Yes...I am" Illinois said, raising an eyebrow.

I got up close to her ear and said, "Eeeemmmoooo"

"That's it! You die!" She yelled standing up and trying to grab me.

"You wouldn't hit your younger sister!" I shouted running down the hall. I spotted New York a ways off, "Move, New York!" I yelled to New York, "The Emo Monster is on a rampage!" I laughed and the 'monster' in question yelled in frustration.

"What did you do this time, Karmen?" New York said in annoyance while stepping to the side as Illinois and I ran by.

"I was bored!" I yelled back.

***Page Break***

"So, do you regret teasing Illinois?" America asked looking at my black eye.

"I regret nothing 'cause I'm that awesome!" I said doing a fist pump.

"You could at least clip your nails..." Illinois huffed putting a bandage on a long slightly bleeding scrape.

"No!" I squeaked hiding behind dad. "You will not clip them!"

"Whatever, I'll be outside, if I see you I won't hesitate to flatten you with my dirt bike!" Illinois glared at me.

"It's a free country! I'll do what I want!" I yelled back. I sighed, "Well, there goes my form of entertainment,"

"Why don't you play with your other siblings?" Dad said, "Like Florida!"

"No! He's always flirting with me...It's creepy," I said.

"Someone say my name?" Florida said.

"Speak of devil and he shall appear. Thanks a lot Da-He left!" I said. "Stupid Dad leaving me!"

"Don't be like that, Karmen; you know you love me," Florida smiled. "Where did you get that black eye? It's ruining your pretty face. Do you need a hug?" He said, holding his hands up as if asking for a hug.

I backed up, "I don't want a hug..." My eyes darted around, and I saw Nebraska, "Save me, Nebraska!" I ran over to him and hiding behind him said, "Florida's trying to rape me again!"

"Drama Queen! I was just gonna hug you!" Florida sighed.

"That's what France said and next thing I knew he was groping my ass!" I said still hiding behind Nebraska.

"But he's France, I'm not that perverted country!"

"I'm going to interrupt your... conversation now to say Dad told me to tell you that we're all going to the world meeting tomorrow," Nebraska said.

I jumped up from behind him, "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! We never get to go to the meeting!" I started jumping up and down excitedly. Florida tugged on my scarf making me fall down.

"I wonder why," he said sarcastically.

"Don't touch my scarf, Florida!" I whined, "I don't like it when peopl-"

"Hey, Karmen!" Illinois said annoyed. "Get this thing off of me!" She pointed to my alien friend, Tina, who was sitting on her head; I laughed.

"Tina! Where have you been?" I smiled picking her up off of Illinois' head.

Nebraska and Florida just stared at it. "What is that?" They asked.

"This is Tina" I smiled. "I think she might be from the same race as Tonny," I said, "Also, I think she thinks I'm her mom,"

"What?" Illinois asked looking at me like I was mental.

"No, I'm serious! I found her as a baby, and she's always acting as though I'm her mom," I looked down at the alien in question who was holding on to my leg, she only went to about my knees.

"That's not weird at all," Nebraska said walking off.

***Page Break***

"OK! For dinner we are going to McDonalds!" Dad yelled happily. Several groans went through out the room. "To the Hero Bus!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes at the ridiculous name as we all got on; we sat from oldest to youngest on the bus and two in each seat. (except in the back where it could seat six people not four) So, it was the oldest in the back and youngest in front. I ended up sitting by Alaska because Hawaii wanted to sit with Arizona instead of Alaska.

"Hello, Aleksandra," I said; I rarely talked to her, but she was nice...unlike some siblings.

Alaska had waist length white hair that curled a bit at the ends with an ahoge poking up at the top, vivid purple eyes, and rather pale skin. She always wore a scarf (I've nicknamed us Scarf Sisters, get it? 'Cause we both wear scarfs...ah nevermind) and had a jacket similar to Russia's huge coat but hers went just to her waist. She wore black pants and knee high gray boots.

"Hello, New Mexico," Alaska smiled, "You're excited to go to the meeting tomorrow, da?"

"Si," I smiled, "I'm happy 'cause I will make hell break loose."

Her purple eyes sparked with mischief. "Sure you're not happy because you'll see-mmgmph," she began but I cut her off with my hand because we were right behind

Dad, who was driving. and I didn't want to die or get in serious trouble for Alaska saying out loud who I had a crush on.

"Shhhhhh" I said, "Do you want dad to freak out and kill us all? I rather not die by swerving off the road."

"Sorry," Alaska laughed.

"Alright, everyone decide what you want, " America said to everyone as we pulled into McDonalds. "So. tell me what you want in Alphabetical order!" Everyone groaned.

After about 20 minutes of everyone listing their meal, (I had written a list) America laughed, "Uh, I forgot most of them,"

"WHAT!" some states yelled.

"Papa, I made a list," I said handing it to him.

"Oh, thanks, Karmen," He said then pulled into the drive-thru.

"Welcome to McDonalds may I take your order," the speaker said.

"Yes I'd like 4 Big Macs, 3 McShakes and 4 Large fries."

"Will that be all, sir?"

"No, there is much more," America said looking at the list. "If you can will you label them?" He asked.

"I'm sure it wouldn't be to much trouble."

"OK, so Ala would like..." Dad started, he had just shortened Alabama so people wouldn't get suspicious. It took about 30 minutes to order everything so I kind of zoned out.

"O-OK, sir, your food will be ready as soon as possible, please pull up to the window"

I laughed, "This is gonna take a while." Alaska nodded in agreement. I turned around in my seat so I was facing the other states, "Hey, Illinois! Alabama!" I yelled to the back of the bus, "Check under your seat for my stuffed animal!"

"This thing?" Alabama said looking under their seat and pulling out a creepy looking Panda, one eye was missing and an X was there instead and it looked kind of like a zombie.

"Yes!" I smiled. "Can ya toss it to me?" I asked Alabama.

"Er...Sure," Alabama said throwing it, of course I can't catch to save my life so it landed on my face.

"Ow, damn, Alabama, that hurt! I keep my book in that stuff anima-" I started but then got interrupted.  
>"OK, sir, your food is ready," the lady at the drive-thru window said and started handing him all our food. Of course Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii and I were chosen to take the food and hand it to our siblings. That took about 8 minutes and then finally we were driving again. We didn't even wait to get home everyone started eating, yes even America, while we were on the road; I was surprised we didn't crash.<p>

"It's no wonder why we are in debt if America spends this much on just McDonalds, da?" Alaska mumbled through her burger. I laughed.

***Page Break***

"It's now midnight kids; since the meeting is tomorrow I suggest you go to sleep now," America said while holding a sleeping Hawaii.

"OK, goodnight," everyone said while going to their rooms, two to a room so I share a room with Arizona.

"Buena noches, Arizona" I mumbled.

"G'night," Arizona said back.

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><p><strong>AN: Well how was it? And for GirlUdontMessWith, Tailsdoll123 and Astralite can you tell me if I did a good job with your characters? Or did I fail tremendously?**

**Anyways, thanks for reading and if you didn't notice all the states besides NM, AK, FL, IL, & NE were gender neutral...**  
><strong>So pretty much all I have to say, drop me a review to tell me what you thought, criticism is welcome, cause most people just read and fave or something but I'd like it if ya reviewed, it only takes a moment and I wanna know what you think.<strong>  
><strong>~Canada (My nickname)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hi Canada here!  
>Russia: You're not Matvey...<br>K: Nope, you can call me K! *huggles Russia* I love you, Russi-Oh shit, are we on?  
>Camera Dude: Yeah.<br>K: Fuck! *starts yelling swears and curses and storms off the stage*  
>Russia: Comrade K is gone, I guess that means I'm in charge now, da? K does not own Hetalia or anything else mentioned, and she does not own me no matter what she says. Only things that belong to her are New Mexico and Alaska. The Translations will be given at the bottom of the story...<br>K: I'm back! So **Thanks to TailsDoll123 and AbyssQueen for reviewing as a reward you two will be the last I kill in my world domination *Smiles innocently*** and also, this may seemed rushed, but I've only been able to write it late at night...so sorry if it's crappy quality

Florida belongs to TailsDoll123  
>Nebraska belongs to Astralite on Whyville<br>Illinois belongs to GirlUdontMessWith

**Notice:** GirlUdontMessWith, I know you read this story because you fixed the grammar errors. You needs to review or die 8D

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><p><em>Hey, Karmen here, so I thought that this world meeting would go about the same as most I heard of a.k.a. Total chaos but boy was I wrong it's more like chaos times one million...well at least I got to sit by Russia...<em>

***Page Break***

"Wake up!" was the first thing I hear coming from the hallway.  
>I fell out of my bed in surprise. "<em>Me levanto! Me levanto!<em>" I said, which woke up Arizona; I look out into hallway to see Delaware with a bullhorn. "_Delaware, hijo de puta que me dio un ataque al corazón_!" I yelled in Spanish  
>"Weeelllll sooorrryyy," Delaware said, "Dad's not up yet, and we have to go to the meeting soon. Since, Dad's hosting it we can't show up late!"<br>"Oh," I yawned, "OK, just put a Big Mac under his nose..."  
>"And let him eat that grease soaked food?"<br>"Yep!" I smiled before I walked back into my room. "Get up you lazy ass," I said throwing my pillow at Arizona.  
>"Fine..." Arizona mumbled as I grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom.<br>I started humming 'Korobeiniki' as I brushed my hair (Which still looked slightly messy to my disappointment.) while avoiding touching my hair curl.('Cause we all know what happens when that's touched.) Today I decided to wear my dark wash ripped super skinny jeans, a plain gray shirt, my white knee-high converse, that I had painted yellow and drew little red Zia symbols all over representing my flag, and a white pullover sweatshirt, that Uncle Canada have given me, instead of my normal wear of shorts and an oversized black jacket. I walked out to see the house in chaos; Florida had managed to tick off at least 15 states in the 30 minutes I was in the bathroom.  
>"Give me back my bra, Florida!" Illinois yelled, chasing him.<br>"You're gonna have to catch me!" Florida taunted, waving her bra in the air.  
>"Thank God the meeting is here..." I sighed and said to myself. "I don't want to fly over seas with these people…" I mumbled.<br>"Good morning, New Mexico," Alaska said from behind me.  
>"Holy-!" I yelled jumping in the air, "Oh, Alaska, you scared me..."<br>"Sorry, but I came to say the meeting is at 10, da?"  
>"Yeah, why?"<br>"Because it is 10:05, and we are hosting the conference,"  
>"FUCK!"<p>

***Page Break***

After a mad frenzy and a quick bus ride, we were at the World Conference. We all, somehow, managed to walk in the conference room without anyone dying.  
>"We're heerrree," Illinois said in a creepy way.<br>I face palmed, "Really Illinois? Really?"  
>"Ve~ You brought your kids!" Italy smiled.<br>"Yep!" America laughed.  
>"Vhy did you bring your kids?" Germany ask already looking annoyed. "Ve don't need more immature people."<br>"Hey! My states are matur-" America started but then he looked over to where we were, I was currently glomping a scared looking Latvia and rambling on about how adorable he is and Illinois was trying to strangle Florida for 'molesting' her, "Er. most my states are mature!"  
>Germany sighed, "It's your conference.., " then left it at that.<br>"I was wondering why there were so many chairs.." England said.  
>"Alright! The meeting begins now!" America said, "States take a seat!"<br>I stopped glomping Latvia and basically dragged him over to a seat, so I had Russia sitting on my right (Pfft, I'm totally not obsessed with him) and Latvia on my left. Sometime after America started talking Illinois, who was on the other side of the weird oval table, was flicking pieces of paper, not at everyone, just at me. So, there I was trying to pay attention to Dad and every ten seconds a piece of paper would hit my forehead; the countries sitting next to me could tell I was going to explode. Latvia was shaking with fear thinking I would hurt him, while Russia was chuckling at my anger.  
>"So we should get a-" flick "-it into space-" flick "-And that would fix the world problems!" flick, flick. Wait, two flicks? I glanced over and immediately glared, Florida had started flicking paper at me too.<br>"Any questions?" America asked.  
>I raised my hand. "May I kill her?" I asked pointing to Illinois.<br>"No you may not kill her, New Mexico," America said.  
>"Can I torture her?" I asked which made some of countries stare at me oddly.<br>"...No"  
>"Why did you hesitate dad!" Illinois asked wide eyed, "Do you not mind if I'm tortured?" Florida started cracking up laughing. "Shut up," Illinois growled.<br>Florida smirked, "Make me."  
>"Oh, I will..." Illinois glared, tackling Florida.<br>"Should you be stopping this?" England asked America with a disapproving glare.  
>"Dude, the last thing I wanna do is get in the middle of a fight between <em>Florida<em> and _Illinois_," America said, then added, "Ya know, 'cause the hero might hurt his kids."  
>"Or are you afraid you'll get hurt?" Nebraska asked bluntly.<br>I sighed as Florida and Illinois started fighting again, it was common considering Florida liked to annoy people and Illinois was so easy to annoy. I doubt any of the other nations will stop them. I gave a big sigh and stood up, walking past Uncle Canada, (When did he get here? He wasn't here when we came in...) I walked up next to the states in question, "Sam, Violet, in case you haven't noticed. We're at a World Conference, so I suggest you...oh I dunno...SHUT UP AND GET BACK IN YOUR SEATS BEFORE I MURDER YOU WITH A SPOON!"  
>They went quickly to their seats. "Pfft, you don't scare me..." Illinois said.<br>"I'm the fifth largest state, way stronger than you," I glared.  
>"Who are you again?" Illinois smirked, knowing one of two things would happen, A) I get depressed and hide under a table or B) I turn into a scary bitch, and today I was a 'B'.<br>"Illinois, did you really have to say that?" America asked, "Can someone hold Karmen back? Before she murders a state?"  
>"Da, I will," Russia smiled picking me up as I yelled obscenities at Illinois. (Who by the way was just sitting there smirking at me.) Russia sat me in a chair and told Latvia to get some rope or something. As Russia was tying me up, America had gone back to his cough stupid cough speech. I sighed in defeat. "This is a serious Fuck My Life moment," I said under my breath.<p>

***Page Break***

"So time for lunch!" America smiled walking out.  
>"Shit, I'm still tied up!" I yelled but of course no one heard me; I'm almost as bad as Uncle Canada, speaking of him here he comes! Hurray, I won't die tied to a chair a cough sexy cough Russian tied me to.<br>"Hey! Canada! Can you untie me _Por Favor_?" I asked.  
>"You remember me?" Canada asked.<br>"Of course I remember my uncle!" I said, "Now untie me..."  
>"O-ok...um who are you again?" He asked.<br>I hung my head and whimpered, "I'm New Mexico...one of America's kids..."  
>"M-maple! I'm sorry!" Canada said feeling bad. "It's not like me to forget..."<br>"Nah, s'ok, people always forget me or think I'm a country," I sighed as he untied me.  
>"Really?" Canada said.<br>"Yep, one time Texas wanted to send me some packages to me but the post office said, 'Sorry we don't ship to other countries,'" I laughed.  
>"Hey, Karmen! Who ya talking to?" America said.<br>I deadpanned, "I'm talking to Canada."  
>"Who?"<br>"Your brother? The one above us? Second largest country?"  
>"Mattie! My Bro! I didn't see you there!" America laughed.<br>I rolled my eyes. "Well I'm going to go..._Adios_!" I saided walking off.

***Page Break***

I walked around a bit before I saw Russia picking on Latvia, of course I don't like when Latvia's being picked on so I ran over and glomped Latvia. "Hi Latvia!" I said stopping Russia from hurting him. "Hi Russia!" I smiled my brightest smile.  
>"H-hi, N-n-new Mexico..."<br>"Hello, comrade New Mexico."  
>"Thanks for untying me from my chair," I deadpanned.<br>"I guess I forgot I tied you up, da?" Russia chuckled.  
>"Yeah, everyone's forgetting me all the time," I sighed<br>"Karmen!" I heard two people say and saw America and Illinois running to me, "Run for your life! It's England's scones!" Then everyone ran to hide under a table except me.  
>"They aren't that bad you bloody gits!" England yelled looking a bit sad.<br>"I'll have one of your scones..." I said, "I've never tasted them before"  
>"Don't do it! You'll die!" Florida said.<br>I rolled my eyes and took a bite, "Hmm...it's bland, burnt, crunchy, and a little bit salty...I like it!" I smiled.  
>"Really?" England said, "You do?"<br>"Oh...my...God...New Mexico is an alien!" Illinois said, "No one has eaten a scone without being sent to the hospital!"  
>"Shut up!" I said, "I'm not an alien!"<p>

***Page Break***

"Well, it's time to go!" America said to us states after all the nations had left.  
>"But, Dad...Our house is to far away..." Florida said, "Wait, don't tell me!"<br>"We are staying at this hotel!" America smiled.  
>"Yes! Fuck yes!" I yelled, then ran to the lobby and took the elevator up to the private floors and started looking for Russia's room.<p>

***Page Break***

I had to share a room with Arizona, Alaska, and Hawaii but I didn't mind.  
>"Well, I managed to find Spain, England, Prussia, and Latvia's room," I said to them, "But not Russia's."<br>"Well this conference thing is a week long, maybe you'll find it soon, da?" Alaska smiled.  
>"Yep," I nodded happily.<p>

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><p><strong>Translations (Google Translate is my friend):<strong>  
>Me levanto! Me levanto! - I'm up! I'm up!<br>Delaware, hijo de puta que me dio un ataque al corazón! - Delaware, you bastard, you nearly gave me a heart attack!  
>Por Favor - Please<br>Adios - Goodbye

**A/N:** Well it feels rushed but I'm ready to pass out and I feel the need to post it. So just for a clear explanation cause even I get confused by my writing, the conference is at a huge Hotel and since it's a week long the nations are staying in the hotel at the top rooms in the private floors(Meaning only nations ands such allowed)  
>Oh and TailsDoll123, should I reveal the secret in the next chapter or wait longer?<br>On a random note, who's seen The Hunger Games? I wanna watch it soooo bad!  
>Happy April Fools! And May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor!<p> 


End file.
